


Letters Home

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, Letters, M/M, each chapter is a letter, low key anxiety, not a nice thing, sorta needy!dipper, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:10:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4549896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper glared down at the half filled journal full of old writings. He could do this. He could write just one letter home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. History

History,

You told me you never meant to make me cry, but here I am crying over you just like old times. Everything was fine, I was fine, happy even, and then there go the mood swings. I get lonely, I tell myself that no one will ever love me because I don't even love myself so how can people love someone so broken that they can't even look in the mirror without wanting to die?  
I miss you. I miss you so much I want to wake up to texts from you, I want to go to bed with goodnight texts. I want to be your friend and someone you care about why did you push me away? I told you I would try just for you. And I did try, I told you no more and i kept to that promise but you didn't. It wasn't my fault it was yours why are you punishing me. I just want you to love me again because only you can make me feel wanted and I want to feel wanted again I don't want to love like this anymore. I just want you to talk to me again.

Please love me I can change for you I can change into anything you want, anyone you want to love. I can be that just please. Please.

Dipper


	2. Mom

Mom,

Can I even call you my mother anymore? It doesn't feel like you're my mother anymore. I don't think of you as what a mom should be and honestly you're far from it. I don't want to live with you anymore I hate you and you make me so broken and confused, I don't understand anything anymore. I can't trust anyone anymore. Why do you pretend like I'm normal? Why do you pretend that nothing ever happens? Why do you ignore me please don't ignore me anymore. 

I want a family that I can rely on, I want a family that will actually touch me out of public and kiss my head and at least pretend to love me. I don't want a mother that would wake her six year old up every day for a year at three am to go get that child's dad from a bar. Don't you understand how that can hurt a person? How that formed me into who I am now? How I am now? Why couldn't you shield me from that why couldn't you just pretend why did you let everything come crashing down on my shoulders at six years old?  
Sometimes I think it would be easier to deal with physical abuse. I don't understand this and sometimes just sometimes I think it's my fault. I tell myself I'm a horrible person and that you're a perfect mother who loves her child and it's me who projects everything but I don't think that's it. I call bullshit on that because them my little mirage that we're a perfect little family comes crashing down and I'm left to deal with reality once again.

Then there's dad. You don't understand what I've been through. You don't understand why I don't want to go see him, you think it's just teenager stubbornness but I don't see him because when I pretend that he doesn't exist I have an easier time blocking you out too. I can pretend I'm drifting by myself with no one to hurt me. My paradise. I will never forgive him, no matter what you say because if you had been a better mom I wouldn't have to live with this. You wouldn't tell me I'm an awful person for not caring when he's in the hospital, you wouldn't pull out the court divorce statement as a weapon for me to go see him. 

Why can't I be free?

Dipper


End file.
